• Changing Ways
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How to Talk to Men Who are Abusive
Sometimes people around an abusive man overlook or minimize his behaviour and only focus on supporting the abused woman.  At other times, people may sympathize with the abusive man, which may inadvertently escalate his abuse.  Talking to an abusive man is an important part of preventing woman abuse, but it needs to be done carefully.  Abusive behaviour won’t go away on its own.  

  • Choose the right time and place to have a full discussion.
  • Approach him when he is calm.
  • Be direct and clear about what you have seen.
  • Tell him that his behaviour is his responsibility.  Avoid making judgmental comments about him as a person.  Don’t validate his attempt to blame others for his behaviour.
  • Inform him that his behaviour needs to stop.
  • Don’t try to force him to change or to seek help.
  • Tell him that you are concerned for the safety of his partner and children.
  • Never argue with him about his abusive actions.  Recognize that confrontational, argumentative approaches may make the situation worse and put her at higher risk.
  • Call the police if the woman’s safety is in jeopardy.
Information courtesy of Neighbours, Friends and Families, www.neighboursfriendsandfamilies.ca